Hi again!
Here is a little more detail about how I made my latest decision (when all my doctors gave me different advice), and what I’m feeling about it.
After getting all the tests back and having all the doctors appointments, I had a few options in front of me.
Option 1 - Full conventional treatment. This means starting Kadcyla (Her2 chemo+immunotherapy) and radiation right away. Chemo would continue for about 10 months. Then Capecitabine (triple negative chemo pill) for a year. Then wait 6+ weeks and have my implant replacement surgery, and then a revision some months after that.
That idea was daunting to say the least.
Option 2 - Partial conventional treatment. I could choose any combination of those things that felt most important to me. I could do one of the chemos, not do radiation, just do radiation…really any combo.
This idea was hard for me to puzzle through. None of the treatments seemed more important than the others, but doing them all seemed nuts when I no longer have a tumor burden at all and just have miniscule amounts of circulating tumor cells.
Option 3 - Full alternative treatment with frequent monitoring. This means everything I can afford in terms of both time and money.
This was scary because results aren’t guaranteed, and even cutting way back on treatment means spending thousands of dollars every month.
Option 4 - No treatment, with frequent monitoring. With the low test results I could choose to focus on healing my body, healing my terrain, and believing that my immune system can get to a strong enough place to eliminate the remaining damaged cells and keep them from coming back.
Hardest decision ever
I’m not going to lie, none of these options felt right to me! I firmly decided on each of them at different times. It was very very hard to get a gut feeling.
Finally I was talking to my favorite integrative oncologist Dr. Devlin and he said something that really resonated with me. He said, “If you take some time to pursue alternative treatments, and you give it everything you’ve got, and it doesn’t work… If your numbers start to go up and you feel you need to pivot to conventional treatment again, you will feel very secure in that decision. You will know for sure that you have to do that, instead of going in with the doubt you’re feeling now.”
And of course I’m not closing the door on any conventional treatment. I can choose to do those at any point.
And whatever I do in the meantime will strengthen and heal my body if I do need to do more conventional (harmful) treatment.
So that’s how I settled on option 3. I am currently doing everything I can to clean up the remaining damaged cells, and heal my body so it can do it’s usual work and keep me healthy.
My current regime
Morning:
- Shake plate/lymphatic massage
- Coffee enema
- Ozone insufflation
- Exercise (usually Barre3)
Midday:
Evening:
- Detox bath, castor oil pack
Nutrition:
- Healthy diet: low carb/sugar, high fiber, high protein, organic
- As many anti cancer foods as I can fit in
- High quality Matcha daily
- Fasting - 36hr fast 1x/week, 72hr fast 1x/month
- Hydration - minimum 80oz of water per day
Supplements:
- too many to list, all directed at anti cancer or healing damage from treatment
- Ivermectin, Atorvastatin, 300mg Melatonin, LDN, Doxycycline
Stress:
- Working about 30 hours a week to give myself time to do all these treatments. Focusing heavily on my reactions to stressful events, and keeping perspective and peace.
- Breathing and meditation daily
Integrative clinic:
- High dose Vitamin C + Artesunate 2x/week - hopefully going down to 1x/week soon
- Mistletoe - subcutaneous injections at home 3x/week
Testing:
- Signatera CTC tests every 6 weeks
- Tempus and Guardant tests every 3 months
- In depth blood, stool, urine tests to get guidance on what I need to heal and balance my system again
How I'm feeling right now
I don’t know!! Haha.
I feel good. So happy to not be getting any painful and difficult conventional treatment right now. I love exercising and feeling my body get stronger again. I love being with my family and not missing important events (for the most part). I like feeling like I’m in control and can affect my outcome. I like seeing my hair grow back! (It’s wild and messy but such a tangible sign that my cells are healing and coming back to life) I like working, using my brain (which is also slowly coming back, and still not even close to 100%). I like thinking of a future that doesn’t revolve around treatment.
I feel brave. I feel like I am walking alone through a vast uncharted land with nothing but my own grit and wits to keep me alive. It’s all on my shoulders, and I must stay strong and keep walking no matter how much I want to turn around and run to safety. There is no safety, there is no refuge. There is only pressing forward and doing my best.
I feel terrified. What if this isn’t the right decision? What if I’m wasting time and money and will just end up doing the conventional treatment anyway? What if the regime I’ve concocted is not the right one? What if I haven’t solved my root problem and none of this will work until I do? How foolish will I feel if this doesn’t work? How hard will those 2 more years of conventional treatment be if I have to do them? What would that mean for my family and work and financial security and and and…
Physically I’m feeling better and better, but still far from 100%. The other day after I broke my fast I felt absolutely horrible and had to miss a Friendsgiving because of it. It was honestly depressing and reminded me far too much of being in treatment and missing everything. My energy, brain power, and overall stamina are just not there yet. Plus I have so much healing and detoxifying still to do.
BUT, I love the amount of normalcy I do have, and am grateful for every workout I do, walk I go on, and meal I eat.
I’m grateful to be where I am, and also impatient to be further out of treatment.
With gratitude,
Elizabeth
